Part 7
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The Hart Remembers – Part Seven
“Wow, you have a big house” Max said with awe as they stood in the entry way to the Willow Pond home.
“Yeah, I guess it is big now you mention it” Jonathan said with amusement in his voice.
Jennifer smiled at the little boy. He was obviously overwhelmed by it all. She watched as Max slowly made his way into the living room and his eyes grew bigger if that was possible. Just then the tap, tap, tapping sound of little dog feet filled the air as Freeway rushed into the room to greet them.
“Freeway!” Max exclaimed “How are you boy? I am so glad to see you.” He knelt down and hugged the little dog who was frantically trying to lick him on the face.
Max turned to Jonathan and Jennifer and beamed at them. “I am so happy to be here” he said as he got to his feet and rushed to them and flung himself first into Jennifer’s arms and then Jonathan’s, hugging them both tightly.
As Max turned away from them to go back to petting the little dog Jonathan and Jennifer could see he had tears in his eyes and was trying hard not to let them see. Jonathan gave a knowing look at Jennifer, so she discreetly left the room.
Jonathan went over to where Max was hugging the dog and dropped down to sit beside him. Max had his head turned away and was quietly patting Freeway.
“It’s a bit overwhelming, isn’t it buddy?” Jonathan said to Max quietly. Max looked up at him with tear filled eyes and nodded. The little boy visibly swallowed hard before saying in a soft voice “It is, but that is not why I am crying.”
“It’s not, well then why are you crying?”
“I am crying because I am afraid”
“What are you afraid of Max? It’s not us, me and Jennifer, is it?”
Max quickly popped his head up at that “Oh, no, no… I am not afraid of you or Jennifer. I love you both, don’t you know that? It’s just….. “ He looked away, across the room.
Jonathan waited for Max to continue and when he didn’t Jonathan prompted him by saying “What are you afraid of Max?”
Max slowly turned back to look at him and he looked so sad that it broke Jonathan’s heart to see it.
Max took a deep breath and said “I am afraid of what will happen to me if Simone dies” Max screwed up his face and continued “and I think that makes me very bad because I am only thinking of myself. But I can’t help it.” His eyes filled with tears once again.
“Listen Max, you are not bad for thinking about yourself. When we are frightened of something we generally tend to think about how the situation affects us personally. It doesn’t mean that you don’t care about what is happening to Simone. Do you understand what I am saying?”
Max wiped his eyes on the back of his hand and said “I think so”
“Good. You have a right to worry about what will happen to you if Simone dies but right now she is still alive and while she is, there is every chance she will get better, and you will be able to go home and have the life you deserve. Okay?”
Max smiled a watery smile then and nodded. Once again he flung himself into Jonathan’s arms and held on tightly. Jonathan hugged him back and wished that he could promise that everything would work out just as Max wanted it to, but he didn’t have that power.
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Jonathan showed Max around the house and then showed him his room while Jennifer prepared dinner. Max stood in the doorway of his room with a puzzled look on his face.
“What’s wrong Max?” Jonathan asked.
“I think there has been a mistake” the little boy said still looking puzzled.
“Why do you say that?”
“Well, this room is way too big for just one person. Are you sure this is my room?”
Jonathan couldn’t contain himself, he laughed out loud. Max looked at him startled. “Yes, buddy, this is your room. It’s all yours and you know what?”
Max crinkled up his nose and said “What?”
“You can even decorate it how you want. Jennifer and I went shopping and got you a bed and a few other things but we decided that you can choose the rest. You can even change the wall color if you want to, maybe put up some of those night sky things, you know that glow in the dark…” and before he could finish, for the third time that day Max launched himself into Jonathan’s arms to hug him.
Jonathan smiled to himself and hugged Max back. It felt good to be able to make a difference in this little boy’s life.
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Jennifer was in a pensive mood in the kitchen. She sat at the table thumbing through a magazine as she waited for the lasagne to cook, but she wasn’t really seeing the pages.
She felt apprehensive. It was strange having a child in the house. She wasn’t like Jonathan, he could adapt to any situation and it was like he had been doing it forever. He would have been a great father if they’d had children, but she wasn’t so sure she would have been a great mother.
This was one area in life that Jennifer didn’t feel confident. Oh, sure, she put on a brave face in front of Jonathan but the truth was she was scared to death of this. She just didn’t know how to relate to children very well, and being an only child herself was no excuse, because Jonathan was also an only child and he seemed to know the right thing to do and say.
Jennifer had hardly said two words to the boy. She just felt awkward and useless around him. So she just let Jonathan handle it. But, of course, Jonathan wouldn’t be around all the time, he had to go to work sometime. And that meant that Jennifer would be left in sole care of Max. She shuddered at the thought. Oh boy, what was she going to do?
—————————————-
Before Jonathan went to get ready for bed he went down the hall to check on Max. As he approached the door to Max’s room he thought he heard crying. Jonathan waited outside of the door for a few minutes and listened. Yes, Max was definitely crying.
Jonathan wasn’t sure whether to go in or not. Maybe he should just let the boy have some privacy to cry in peace and get it all out of his system. But he knew he couldn’t just walk away knowing that the little fellow was distressed.
So he knocked on the door softly and the crying stopped immediately. He could see Max frantically wiping his eyes.
“Hey buddy, how’re you doing?” Jonathan asked.
Max didn’t look at him but said “I am ok I guess”
“Really? I thought you sounded a bit upset just then. Want to tell me what’s wrong?”
“I don’t know. I just feel a bit sad. I miss Peter and Simone… and I especially miss Co-pilot” Co-pilot was the little dog, like Freeway, that Jonathan and Jennifer had given to Max after his operation.
“Oh yes, Co-pilot. How is he?”
Max sat up then and his eyes lit up “He is great Jonathan. He goes everywhere with me. He is my best friend” but then Max deflated a bit and said in a sad voice “but ever since Simone got sick we have been parted because I had to go back to the orphanage and Co-pilot wasn’t allowed to come with me”
“I’m sorry that you’ve been parted from him Max. Would it help if Freeway were to sleep in here with you tonight?”
“Oh yes, could he? Please”
“Sure I don’t see why not”
“Thank you Jonathan. You are the best”
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Later, Jonathan was reclining in bed trying to relax but he couldn’t. Something was wrong. Jennifer had been so quiet ever since they had got home with Max this evening. And now she had been in the bathroom forever. This was so unlike her. She had hardly spoken to either him or Max and it was really worrying him. He hoped she was just tired but his instinct where she was concerned was telling him it was much more.
Jennifer had stalled in the bathroom for as long as she could. She knew that Jonathan felt that something was up with her but she really didn’t want to get into it. She hoped he was asleep by now. Oh, well, she couldn’t stall any longer because he would definitely know something was wrong.
Jonathan was staring off into space deep in thought as Jennifer entered the room. He didn’t seem to notice that she was there. She slipped into bed beside him and still he didn’t acknowledge her presence.
“Darling” she said but got no response “Jonathan” she said with a bit more force. Jonathan jumped a little as he was surprised that she had gotten into bed without him knowing it. He turned to look at her and smiled sheepishly.
“Where were you? You looked like you were a million miles away”
“No, not that far away” he said with a smile “I was just thinking about Max….” he paused for a moment and the continued “and you”
“Me! What were you thinking about me?” she asked tightly.
“I was thinking about the way you have been so quiet this evening. You’ve hardly said two words all night. What’s going on Jennifer?”
“I don’t know what you mean” she said turning away from him and preparing to lie down.
“Oh, no, you don’t!” Jonathan said as he grabbed her and dragged her into his arms. He held her tight so that she couldn’t look away from him “What’s going on Jennifer? I know something is up, what is it?”
Jennifer sighed. She never could put anything over him. He was too tuned into her and could read her like a book. But in this instance she didn’t want him to know what was wrong. She couldn’t tell him a lie either because he would know that too, so she went with a half truth.
“I guess I am just tired. It’s been a long day and I have a had a headache all night. I just didn’t want to say anything. I didn’t want to spoil Max’s first night here. I’m sorry if I have been anti social. I didn’t mean to.”
“Oh, darling, I’m sorry you’re not feeling well. You should have said something. I thought you were having second thoughts about Max being here.”
“Oh no, never, I’m really glad he’s here” she said “Of course there will be adjustments to make all around but we will get through it. He is a great kid”
“Yes, he is” Jonathan smiled as he lay down with Jennifer resting on his chest. He absentmindedly ran his fingers through her hair in a soothing gesture and soon her breathing evened out and Jonathan knew she had fallen asleep.
He lay awake for a long time that night just listening to her breathing and thinking about what she had said. Jonathan wasn’t convinced that tiredness and a headache were the only reasons for her being quiet that evening. But for now he decided to let it go and see how things went.
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The next morning at breakfast Jennifer made a concentrated effort to join in the conversation. She didn’t want Jonathan’s suspicions to rise again.
“Hey Max” Jonathan said with an enthusiastic tone “what do you say to us going and doing a little shopping this morning?”
“Um, I don’t know, I don’t have much money and I really need to be careful with it. Peter said not to waste it. I don’t think I should go shopping”
Jonathan looked at Jennifer and smiled and then he looked back at Max and said “Max it would be our treat. We would really like to buy you some nice things, you know, for your room. And we would like to get some clothes for you too. We noticed that you didn’t bring a lot with you”
“Um, Peter packed my case in a hurry. He wanted to get back to the hospital because Simone was going to have another treatment.” Max paused for a moment “He seemed upset and didn’t talk a lot to me as we went to the airport”
“Yes, I guess he is feeling upset at the moment. It is hard when the one you love is sick” Jonathan said as he looked at Jennifer with a haunted look that let her know that he was thinking about the time when he’d almost lost her.
“Anyway, today I am going to take the day off work and we are all going to go shopping. So go and get ready you two, we leave in 10 minutes” Jonathan ordered with a big grin.
“Ok Mr. Bossy we will be ready in a jiffy” Jennifer said with a wink at Max who just giggled at them both.
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As it turned out they spent most of the day shopping. In the afternoon they got Max enrolled into school for when it started again a week Monday. He seemed very excited to be going to a big school. Back home his schooling was done at the orphanage.
They spent the weekend redecorating Max’s bedroom. It was a great bonding exercise for all of them. Max was happy that the Hart’s were including him in the decision making process for his bedroom. He had never had that kind of experience before.
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Monday morning came all too quickly for Jennifer. Jonathan would be going off to work and she and Max would be left alone for the first time. As she lie in bed listening to Jonathan’s breathing in the early pre dawn hours she felt a panic like nothing she had ever felt before.
Over the weekend, while they had been decorating Max’s room, she had felt like she was relaxing a bit. She even had herself convinced that she was able to do this. But now, laying there in the half light of early morning she was completely convinced that she couldn’t.
Jennifer couldn’t lie in bed any longer so she got up and had a shower. As she came back into the bedroom Jonathan was just starting to wake up. She leaned down and kissed him on the cheek and said “Good morning darling”
As he wasn’t completely awake yet Jonathan just mumbled something she couldn’t understand and she smiled down at him. Jennifer finished dressing and then went down the passage to Max’s room to see if he was awake yet. He wasn’t so she let him sleep. He was still on holidays for another week, after all, so there was no need for him to be up yet. Jennifer headed down to the kitchen to start breakfast.
Jonathan rolled over in bed and searched for Jennifer. When he couldn’t find her he woke up completely. No, she wasn’t in the bed with him. She sure was up early, he thought. He stretched and yawned trying to chase the last traces of sleep away. He vaguely remembered Jennifer kissing him on the cheek and saying good morning, or was that a dream. He wasn’t sure. He got up slowly and headed for the shower. He really did have to go to work today.
He absentmindedly hummed a tune as he showered and shaved but he wasn’t really concentrating on what he was doing. He was thinking about the fact that Jennifer would be alone with Max today for the first time. He had a feeling that she wasn’t as confident in her ability to look after the boy as she was pretending to be. He figured that this was probably at the bottom of her strange behavior ever since Max had arrived last Thursday.
He wondered why she hadn’t confided in him about her doubts. She usually shared all of her thoughts and feelings with him as he did with her.
Breakfast was a bit of a solemn affair as Jennifer was in one of her quiet moods again. Max had woken and was eating his breakfast quietly. Max must have picked up on Jennifer’s apprehension as he wasn’t as talkative as he had been on previous days. He barely acknowledged Jonathan when he said good morning.
Jonathan looked from one to the other. They both were pretending to be engrossed in their breakfast but they both looked completely miserable. Jonathan didn’t know what to do. He really did need to go to work today; there was no way of avoiding it. Max and Jennifer would just have to work it out between themselves. Maybe some time alone together would be good for them.
Max finished his breakfast first and asked if he could go to his room to play.
“Sure buddy that would be fine” Jonathan said with more enthusiasm than he was feeling.
Jennifer barely lifted her head as he left. Jonathan looked at her and she could feel his eyes on her but didn’t look at him. She got up from the table quickly and cleared the plates. Jonathan got up and followed her to the sink. She was frantically getting the dishes ready to wash and totally ignoring him as she was in the grip of a major panic attack. Her heart was pounding; her chest was so tight she felt like she couldn’t breathe and she felt light headed and thought she might pass out.
Jennifer felt totally stupid but she couldn’t control the physical reaction she was having. She felt Jonathan come up behind her and she gripped the sink so hard, as if her life depended on it.
“Jennifer, what’s wrong? Talk to me, please” he pleaded with her as he ran his hands up and down her arms. She couldn’t answer him. Jennifer took a deep breath and started to feel a bit better. She took another deep breath and felt like she was getting back under control. Slowly she turned around and looked at Jonathan.
“I’m ok Jonathan, I really am. I just need some time with Max to adjust. This is all new to me, and to him and we need time” she said with a touch of desperation “I’m not like you Jonathan, I don’t adapt to new situations as easily as you do. I need time to adapt. I need you to give me that time”
Jonathan looked at her intently for a moment and then said “Ok, I can do that. You’re right I do adapt quickly to new situations. I guess it goes back to when I was a boy in the orphanage. You had to learn to adapt to changes fast or you would get left behind.”
Jennifer smiled a small smile at him “Ok I am fine now so you should get to work.”
He looked at her closely for a few moments and then smiled back at her. “Alright, I’m going. If you need me at all throughout the day you know where I am, ok?”
Jennifer nodded and Jonathan leaned down and placed a kiss upon her cheek.
“Bye then” he said as he moved away to pick up his jacket and briefcase.
“Bye” she replied as he left the kitchen. Jennifer just collapsed back against the sink. She just knew it was going to be a long day.